Sometimes HATE Feels Like LOVE

Introduction

     People love to hate, but I would assert that it isn't our natural tendency.  From an early age, we are told what is right and wrong.  This alone would be great; all people need a sort of moral compass taught to them when they are too young to understand the world around them, but we are also told to hang out with the "right" people and avoid the "wrong" people.  Since these values are taught at such a young age, they are ingrained in us; this creates the false illusion that hate is love.  The reality of this is that, for many of us, hate feels just like love.

Right and Wrong

     We are told what is right and wrong.  There is nothing wrong with this and it is arguably necessary; however, when we are told who is right and who is wrong and forced to exclude people based on that, an issue arises.  We are bound to have exclusive groups that are so protective of their own beliefs and traditions that anyone who questions any of them is automatically disbanded from the group and shunned.  It turns our community into sects who despise each other.  I can't think of a more applicable example of this than the conservative Christian church.  The moment you begin to ask questions and become critical of what they believe, you are shunned.  I know this all too well as I experienced it.  We live in a society that values being "right" at all costs and if you are "wrong", you must conform or be left behind.  It's not just the church that does this, it's universal.  Though, in my opinion, the church has the biggest problem with it.

What is Right and Wrong?

     Right and wrong are tricky topics and can't really be defined.  I do believe that there are moral absolutes, but other than that there is no real distinction.  Who is to say whether there is or is not a God or gods?  Who is to say that if there is a God or gods, which religion or religions are right, wrong, or somewhere in the middle?  There is no concrete evidence to definitively say one way or another.  This is the issue with the idea of people being "right" or "wrong".  More times than not, we have people assaulting each other with words and attitudes each believing themselves to be right and the other to be wrong.  Does either side truly know who is right or wrong?  Absolutely not, but they believe that they do.  It is exceedingly difficult to teach someone what they believe they already know.  There are obviously truths to all of our arbitrary squabbles, but for many of them, we don't have enough evidence to give any definitive answers.  I don't even have evidence outside of the human psyche for moral absolutes.  The fact of the matter is that, as humans, we are subject to our own beliefs and cannot truly know what is right or wrong.

How Love became Hate

     In these disputes over what is "right" and "wrong" and, by association, who is "right" and "wrong", we have created a system that believes it is loving to tell someone what you have found to be true and reject what they have found to be true.  We have twisted love into boasting in our knowledge and rejecting others' rather than rejoicing in what we all have learned and decide amongst ourselves what seems to be the most true.  Love, in my opinion, is best defined by the Bible,

"4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [a]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of [b]prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NASB translation)

In this passage, we see what love truly is.  I would like to draw your attention to where it states that love does not seek its own.  This means that love does not insist on being right, but listens to others and values their beliefs and opinions.  If you accuse people of being unloving in their deliveries of what they perceive to be "right", they will insist that they are acting in love by informing the others that they are in fact wrong and replacing what they were wrong about with what is right.  This is not love, but love has been diluted to mean the very thing that it spoke out against so many years ago.

Hate feels like Love

     Our society has diluted love in such a way that it is actually hate.  Our definition of love is no longer patient, kind, or being selfless, but it is protestant, rude, and self-affirming.  This new definition is loving because it is doing all that it can to prove the other wrong and itself right in order to "save" the other from various things depending on one's beliefs.  In doing these things that are clearly opposed to love, we hate.  The hating doesn't feel wrong though; it feels like we are loving.  It feels loving and noble to use any means necessary to save someone from their own ignorance, bu what if the ignorance is truly ours?  Do the ends justify the means?  Is hate acceptable because it achieves a loving conclusion?  Not in the Bible.  Jesus did not use fear tactics and did not force His beliefs on others.  He predominantly asked questions and told parables that forced people to thoughtfully consider what He had said.  Jesus doesn't flood us with answers to what is right or wrong because the answers would do nothing but create more division over who is right and wrong.  Jesus gave questions to unite people in confusion and discussion over what was said.  To quote Socrates, "The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing."

Conclusion

     People love to hate.  Why?  Because people love to be right.  In our love to be right, we feel the need to show others that we are right.  When we show others that we are right, we discount what they believe is right.  By insisting that we are right, we are not loving because love does not insist on it's own way.  Love is patient and will wait for others to find their own way and guides them gently when asked.  Love is justice and hate is evil.  Hate can never be just and can never be substituted for love.